Letter to Daisy

There’s a craze sweeping America and probably the world called “Letters to my Daughter”.  My Photography girlfriends and I have often oohed and aahed reading letters from some of the great Photography Mum’s and wondered how they manage to run successful businesses, raise families and seem to have time to do everything including writing these heart warming blogs.  We’ve talked about doing ones of our own one-day and that day is now.  My daughter is a precious little flower, her name is Daisy and she was conceived with the help of IVF……...which, to me, makes her that little bit extra special.

My Darling Daisy,

I know it’s a long time before you need to decide what career path you will take but I think planting the seed of success starts early and that’s why I’ve invested a lot into your education while you’re so young.  When you were two years old you started going to nursery two afternoons a week and it’s been the best money ever spent.  I was so proud that you were starting your learning journey that I documented the momentous occasion. It was a proud moment indeed, the first of many.

I never really understood the importance of education, probably because of my health.  I remember being in school around exam time and some people were talking about going to university and that they’d had a talk with a lady from the University when she visited the school.  I wondered why I didn’t know about this earlier.  Why was I just finding out about higher education now?  Ok, I don’t think I had any grand plans, I guess I wasn’t thinking long term.  However a decision was made on my behalf at that point in time, I was fifteen and wasn’t expected to get great exam results.  Someone had decided I wasn’t worthy of a University education and I wasn’t offered “that’ meeting with the lady from the University.  I guess that made me feel I was different but I told myself, who needs university anyway.  I want money, I want to work now!  Looking back, I do remember a conversation with my Art teacher who was head of the art department.  He pointed to an article on the noticeboard about a former pupil who recently graduated from Gray's School of Art, which is one of Scotland's four art schools and is an integral part of Robert Gordon University in Aberdeen.  He said, "that's you", he told me I was “Gray’s School of Art” material.  He made no secret I was talented and I foolishly said,  “Qualified in Art”, like that will get you a good job!

That’s why I want you to know now that this education path is open to you and you have a choice.  Once upon a time a University education was for the wealthy and I probably thought growing up in an urban estate that it was not expected of me.  This opportunity is yours for the taking and you should grab it with both hands!  There’s so much time to earn money, life is long but your school days are short.  I used to laugh when grown ups said school was the best days of your life and they probably would’ve been if I had made the right choices.  You think you know everything at 16, but there’s so much out there that you have no idea about yet. 

I have a strong belief that there’s an order in which you do things and history has shown it to be true.  Some will argue that you can go back into education as a mature student but this is not an easy option.  Do things in the right order; do not try to re-invent the wheel, as Nanny would say.  If you miss the first opportunity it’s likely you will have responsibilities with age, a home, a car and a job that pays for it all.  Take it from me, go to university after school and you wont regret it.  By all means have a gap year, have fun, travel but do go to university when you are young, when you can have a great time with no responsibilities.  This could be the place you might meet lifelong friends.  Be free while you are young, live life because responsibilities are for old people.  Choose your career carefully!

Most off all remember though, having a university education does not make you better than the next person.  It does not give you a golden ticket to the best life.  This comes from your inner being, the person you are inside which right now is, funny, smart, curious, affectionate, noisy and bossy.  Your core values and morals are the things that will make you successful and happy in whatever you do.  I have not been to university yet, hey there’s still time but I see myself as successful in many ways.  I have tried, I have failed but I get back up again and you will too sweetheart.

Mummy

Letters to my Daughter | 2013

Closing the circle for this month with a link back to Zoë Stewart 

http://simplyruby.co.uk/letters-to-our-daughters-letter-1/

Flying High and the Charity Walk

You are growing up so fast and I don’t know where the time has gone.  I feel constantly rushed off my feet because you are into everything.  I feel like tiding up is completely pointless because you just trash the place faster than I can tidy.  One day I might miss the mess but at the present time I’d like a fairy to come and clean it up.  I think all mums would LOVE a cleaning fairy, wouldn’t they?

The other day we went to the park, again!  However this time it was an organised event with nursery.  You were taking part in a sponsored walk, which was raising money for your nursery and they are donating a percentage of the money raised to one of the big children’s hospitals in Scotland.  It had been raining and I wasn’t so sure it was going to be a great day.  I packed extra clothes into the car so that when I met you and Daddy there would be plenty to choose from if it got bad, because it was going ahead rain or shine!  We waited for about half an hour for everyone to arrive and you were running about playing with the children that were already there.  Daddy had brought you a little packed lunch and the two of you were getting stuck into the sweeties before the walk had even started.  Daddy kept asking me if I wanted some but I said no three times before reminding him that I need my tablets if I eat anything.  You’d think after TEN years he would actually remember by now; he does have a short memory.

You had to walk two laps around the park footpath, which is approximately one mile.  The park is starting to come together as it’s had some lottery funding to bring it back to how it looked in the Victorian era when it was first opened.  The past couple of years have seen it go downhill and it will be brilliant for the city when it has its open day later this month.  You were a bit slow going round the first time and kept asking to be carried.  Too much running about before the start that’s what was wrong, funny you wasn’t tired going to the slides afterwards.  On the second lap you got it into your head that it was a race and that you had to go faster and you did.  Eventually you crossed the finish line first and were so pleased with yourself that you were first.

After the walk we went down towards the park with the big slides and out the corner of my eye I spotted an old friend of ours.  Daddy and I stopped and spoke for a few minutes, and then he went to the park with you while I continued to catch up on the latest gossip.  I then joined you two at the park and you played while Daddy and I sat and chatted for a while.  We then got you to come and eat your little picnic, as you would probably be very hungry after the morning you’d just had.  The rain looked like it was going to start so we made our way back to the car.  Mummy was going out in the afternoon anyway so it just all fitted into place.  Back at the car I gave Daddy the macaroon I told him that I’d made the day before, you both tried it and Daddy said he couldn’t believe how good it was and it looked just like shop bought. 

Whilst we were in the park you and Daddy were messing about. He kept throwing you up in the air like he used to do. I snapped a couple of images of the two of you having fun. I kept thinking of all the times Daddy used to do this to you and I was sure that I would find some in my large archive of memories, which are called photographs. It is at times like these you wish you had a fool proof filing system on your computer; mummy must get better at filing!  It’s wonderful looking back at memories we have made.  I know I should start looking through my old photos first of all because I am better at spotting a good photo but also because of all the memories every image holds. There are expressions there that make me think of how you were back then and it makes me realise how much you have grown.  

I’ve gone through an extraordinary amount of emotions in the past few years but you always make my smile.  Of course, the smiling I remember the most is usually when I check you are sleeping.  I look at you in your bed and think you are intelligent, funny and a little crazy at times.  You don’t realise it now but you are a lot like me, you have my personality.  Some would argue that’s a bad thing, however I see it as a good thing; you are going to be one tough cookie to crack.  I know in your lifetime you are going to experience an extraordinary amount of emotions too, but I plan to be holding your hand every step of the way.

Amuse-bouche

You may wonder why I am writing this blog. What is the story behind it and why choose the name, I dream of Daisy?  I thought I would explain the background in more detail.

I was born with one of the most life limiting genetic conditions among the Caucasian population and I grew up thinking I would never have children.  Although it is physically possible because all my parts were there, the strain of carrying a pregnancy to term could put me in grave danger.  Growing up, mortality and procreation was a topic generally not discussed at hospital appointments and was definitely never discussed at home.  There are questions you just don’t ask for fear of the answer and some things you are best not knowing.  I remember at one point the life expectancy was around 30 years and I lived my life thinking that I would drop dead on or around then.  Medical science is advancing but even more important, is your mental ability to fight for life, live your life and look after yourself.  I am sure that together with the improved medical science it’s possible you could beat the odds against you but complications associated with carrying a pregnancy to term and mostly the thought of leaving a young child without a mother, I always thought that it wouldn’t happen to me.  I had spent my childhood and young adulthood preparing myself for that life, a life without a child of my own to love because of my health. 

My mum brought my brother and I up on her own and throughout my life she has been the one teaching me to stand up for what I wanted and encouraged me through the hard times.  It is her get up and go, her belief in me and her positive attitude that has taken me to where I am today.  I owe her for allowing me to believe I can lead a "normal" life.  In my late teens mum gave me further hope that I could maybe have a baby one day by offering to be a surrogate.  She would joke that by using her I could be assured of the baby being handed over.

In my early 20s I met the man who later was to become my husband and I did explain how a life with me would most likely result in a life without a child.  In the beginning he explained that it was me he wanted to be with and if we didn’t have children, it wasn’t meant to be.  He was in the armed forced and was posted in Germany and to enable me to join him we decided to get married.  I was excited as I planned our wedding and was looking forward to us spending our life together.  When the Army learned of my condition they would not allow me to join my husband once married due to fear that they could not cope with my often hectic, treatment regime.  Looking back, I can partly agree with this decision but at the time the pressure of planning the wedding and the uncertainty of how my husband and I would be together caused too much of a strain on my health and I lost a lot of weight.  

We did fight the armed forces and in the end my husband got posted locally and later left the Army, which meant we could finally be together.  It was when we were together that his desire for a child grew and we had several discussions about it. After six months of talking and thinking and two young people I knew that had been taken away from the world in such a cruel way, I decided life was for living. I was going to take a risk and have a child, the one thing I never even allowed myself to dream of.  I told my husband that yes, lets do it, lets have a child and at this point in time my life was on the up.  I realised that I was happily married to my husband and life can throw you surprises; even those living without my condition don't know what tomorrow holds.  I had a husband wanting to be a dad and I could have a child and be blessed with being a mum.  I just knew that I would love my child for as long as possible and that together we were going to create good family values and that he would be supported by my family if that fateful day came……..where I had to leave them.

The Princess and the Frog

You love the park and if asked what you would like to do, you are almost certain to say, “go to the park”.  It was such a lovely sunny day that we decided to take your very cool Radio Flyer Tricycle out for a spin.  I tried to get a photo but you just kept zooming past me laughing that I couldn’t catch up.  An old couple sitting eating ice cream was watching you play and they said to me that it was so refreshing to see a little girl actually dressed like a little girl.  If they could only see you after a day at nursery!   You usually look like you’ve been down a mine or got a job as a chimney sweep.

It’s hard work having fun, I thought you maybe needed to have a break from the sun and get some ice cream, another of your favourite things.  The park is being renovated just now so the café is closed for the time being, but the council made sure that an outdoor ice-cream stand was renovated before the cafe.  It’s a great little shop selling not only ice cream but also some light refreshments and they have a decked area just out the front with tables and chairs so you can bask in the sun and soak up the atmosphere.  I noticed there were holders for sun umbrellas, which made me laugh, as we don’t get that much sun here.  There’s even a dog water bowl and free dog biscuits!    I asked what kind of ice cream you wanted and you shouted “white”.  Nanny lifted you up so you could decide what ice cream you were going to have but you couldn’t decide.  The man said he would let you taste some different flavours so you could make up your mind.  First you picked a raspberry colour, when you tasted it you wasn’t too sure.  The man said it’s probably because it’s more of a sorbet.  Next you tried some banana ice cream which also had mini marshmallows through it.  You liked it and that was the one for on your cone.  When the man handed you the ice cream you shouted, “yuk, I don’t want that bits on it”.

Afterwards we went for a walk to the opposite end of the park so you could cycle and then just as we set off, out the corner of my eye I spotted some Bluebells.  On closer inspection there was a little patch of them hiding behind some trees; every cloud has a silver lining!  You see, us photo junkies seem to have a radar for certain things at certain times of the year.  I was hoping to take photos of you in some woods just outside the town we stay but Mummy’s friend said they didn’t really come to anything this year, which was disappointing.  I’m still trying to use my manual settings for my camera since doing my film photography last term and I have to say it’s a life long learning experience. 

We parked the bike up and got beside the Bluebells, I get so excited I’m like a kid. Just as you popped your bottom down you let out this loud screech.  Our trusty assistant Nanny shouted, “it’s a FROG”, and scooped it up into her hands.  I really thought I wasn’t going to manage to take a photo quick enough because it was going to jump out her hand.  It didn’t…….but it did pee on her hand; I bet it was terrified.  Nanny told you that she would put it in your hand, you wasn’t that keen to start with but after a few seconds you warmed to your little froggy friend.  The next day you was telling anyone that would listen that you found and Frog and it peed on Nanny’s hand. 

We did eventually get to the opposite end of the park.  This time there was an abundance of Daisies but by this time you wasn’t really interested in “mamarazzi mamma’s” picture taking.  The sun was beaming down and I must say I was struggling with my manual settings again.  My trusty assistant was trying out another tactic to get you to sit still long enough to get a photo taken but it was proving difficult.  In the end Nanny lifted you onto a tree branch where you hung out like the monkey you are.